say "food" enough and it starts to sound weird.

FOOD! FOOD! I LOVE FOOD!

but seriously, I love food. I'm what I would call a lazy foodie. I think about food, I dream about food, I look food up on Pinterest, I read about food, I buy loads of recipe books and follow some seriously amazing cooks on instagram, but I don't really do all that much cooking of the food. 

My first challenge to myself in this so called journey of self discovery and the meaning of life (deep, i know) is to start to cook more food. But I don't mean the usual chicken soup 7 different ways for every day of the week. I mean learning to cook properly and venturing a little further than meat, couscous and veggies (even though that can be delish too). 

I get distracted very easily and i'm notorious for making a mess when i do most things. Couple this with an extreme lack of culinary creativity and you have yourself a recipe for kitchen disaster ('scuse the pun). So, much to the horror of my unsuspecting boyfriend, a "cook all meals" challenge for the rest of June seems like a splendid idea. I'm going to try and learn some new kitchen tricks and hopefully master some delicious new recipes. Don't worry, i'll share what I find. And if you live near me I might even have you over for a meal? 

Bon appétit!

google searching the soul.

There is a question I keep asking myself that seems to go unanswered every time. It's probably the most asked question of the entire human race and it's a question that continues to taunt and confuse, mystify and bewilder. Frankly, it may never be answered entirely, but one can only try to start understanding. So without further ado, and at the risk of sounding like a long haired hippy high on the prospect of personal revolution (and probably other things):

WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

I envy those who have figured things out. I envy even more the people who are not bothered by this question or couldn't care less about the answer. People who are content with the lives they are building, knowing it suits them entirely and makes them extensively happy. How do I achieve this state?! please. someone give me the answer?!

Well, unfortunately, no amount of internet searching, pinterest browsing or magazine flicking is going to help me with this. So it's time to go a little further and google the depths of my soul (yes I'm aware of how lame that line is) for a little bit of life inspiration. 

It's so easy to be comfortable and become complacent, get stuck in negative routines and take the easy way instead of the road less travelled. It's time to start challenging myself and hopefully i'll start to find a little peace of mind (or maybe a piece of cake?)

This chocolate coconut cake will probably give me a purpose. From one of my favourite blogs Local Milk

going batty.

I've missed this lady.
Natasha Kahn, aka Bat For Lashes, has been off the scene for a couple of years now and it's so exciting to have her back.
Her latest album, The Haunted Man, is a beautiful example of her elaborate musical craftsmanship. The raw instruments, such as the flute used in Winter Fields, creates depth and texture. Her trade mark haunting, smokey vocals are intricately layered and rich, drawing you in and evoking the senses.
My personal favourite is "Laura".
Have a listen.

there is a door.

There is a door that is open wide,
I stand,
Just inside,
Waiting.
All my opportunities come at once,
They push and shove,
They jam together,
They are stuck.
Just.
My.
Luck.
Won't one of you push a little harder?
Make yourself clear!
I'm standing here,
Waiting.
I'm trying hard to reach a little further,
I want to pull you all through,
What to do?
Time is passing,
Here I stand,
Nothing yet planned.
Life is so bland.
I shut the door,
I just can't wait anymore.

a letter to my dog.

Dear Pippin,

You lay sleeping on "Daddy's" lap next to me on the couch as I write this. Your squishy little nose is twitching in the midst of some dream where you are probably chewing a bone or chasing your frisbee. You're kinda snoring and I want to pull on your whiskers and annoy you.

I wish you could understand me when I tell you how much I love you. I have never experienced love quite the same way as i have from you. You are never mad or angry at me and it's so nice that you are ridiculously excited to see me every time i walk in the door, even if I've only just gone out for 5 minutes.

You are always ready for a cuddle, especially when I'm feeling particularly at odds with the world. Your favourite spot to sit is in my lap and you always want to be near me, even when i've just been exercising and smell like old socks.

You don't care if i wear no make up and my hair looks like a birds nest in the morning. You don't mind if i forget to feed you at the same time every day and you don't judge me if I spill half my dinner on the floor every time i eat. Actually i think you like that about me because you come straight over and clean it up for me. Saves me a lot of mopping!

You are incredibly intelligent and I'm so impressed with how quickly you learn things! Sometimes i even think you understand what i'm saying to you because you give me a knowing look. Sometimes you just tilt your head to the side like you think I'm a crazy person.

Sometimes you chew my slippers and it upsets me a bit, but then you look at me with your goggly brown eyes and put your head on my knee and all the anger melts away.

Thank you for loving us unconditionally. I hope you feel as happy and loved being with us as we do being with you.


I love you my little squippies,
Love Mummy

bionic = boring.

I am struggling to find positive things to talk about in terms of the human race as a collective. I feel as though We have morphed into an egotistical, selfish, demanding and unsatisfied race of beings that instead of asking the question "what can I do?" ask "what can i do for myself?".

I know i sound like a 75 year old woman who chases the "whippersnappers" off her property with a broom but I honestly believe that the imminent advancement of technology is largely to blame for our self preservating ways. We have been introduced to a state of being where everything is instantaneous. We can access anything, talk to anyone, learn about anything we want to know and go wherever we want to go in heartbeat or less. We are spoilt and ignorant and it deeply disturbs me.

Don't get me wrong, I will be the first to admit that at least 40% of the time my iPhone seems to be an extension of my arm, and I spend minutes, hours (sometimes even days) surfing the internet for my own personal gain. I guess i am just a little concerned that we take this wonderful world of opportunities a little bit for granted when we could actually be putting it to good use. 

On the bus the other day i had a lady sit down next to me and comment admiringly on my perfume. I am sad to admit that I was extremely shocked that she had spoken to me at all. But the the sad part isn't that she had spoken to me, the sad part was that I was surprised. Despite this she truly made my day, all in the simple act of giving a stranger a compliment. 

Trust me, you don't need another pair of shoes from net-a-porter, or to keep your eyes glued to instagram whilst riding the train to work. Maybe try something different, go on, get out of your fluffy little html world. Take a friend out to lunch, give a stranger a compliment, have a chat with the check out chick (or chap). 

I challenge you to give back every once in a while. Instant gratification for yourself has nothing on potentially making someone else's day.

This has been another rant from P.

catching the curve balls.

I think it's really safe to say that the last 3 days have been an extremely low time for me. After always hearing the saying "bad things come in 3's" it turns out that now i can confirm this theory via personal experience.

On Wednesday the 15th i got a phone call from my Pa breaking the news that there have been cancerous mass's found on his liver and we are due to re-live the last six horrifying months all over again. Of course I am devastated to say the least as this whole damn thing just isn't fair. After the initial reaction of wanting to destroy everything in my path with a baseball bat i have since calmed down and allowed myself to re-assess everything with a clearer mind. I know we are being tested by Life and I know that for a while to come we will be fighting this battle with all we are worth. It's strange because initially you don't quite believe it and you kind of shut it out. You lie in bed and any thoughts of impending doom (which are unavoidable as we are only human) are blocked and pushed from your mind. It's almost a defence mechanism and a way of the brain saying "don't let these thoughts in because they will crush you". Thanks brain for making this possible, i owe you one.

On Thursday the 16th, after a heavy and exhausted sleep, christian and i had the luxury of a day off together and thought we would treat ourselves to breakfast in the sun. Once settled in the car with the dog in the back seat, christian turned the key in the ignition and we were greeted by the deafening sound of silence. The starter motor was completely dead and the battery nearly gone. Instead of poached eggs on toast with a cappuccino we found ourselves dishing out for a new starter motor, battery and a Lube Mobile call out fee which left the bank account considerably lighter to say the least. (despite this the call out mechanic was an absolute champ and helped out as much as possible).

Today, Friday the 17th, I have woken up with what I can only describe as the worst flu I have ever had. It feels as though there are mice living inside my nose and my head is full of sandbags. I'm not a catalyst for calling in sick but today, unfortunately, was unavoidable. So here I am sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself, trying to warm my ice cold hands as the heater broke last week.

Alas! Life, don't be fooled. We're not as weak as we seem! I know now that bad things do come in threes and i'm hoping you are getting bored of watching me squirm. Also lets pray that your throwing arm is getting tired as i'm getting sick of the curve balls!

However if you decide to pitch a few more I have my baseball bat here and waiting to hit a home run!

Thank you all for letting me vent. I feel considerably better now.

Till next time..
P